Ga(rr)y Potter and the Phallus Cockister's Boner
by Jesse Ventura
Summary: cumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcumcum


**Characters**

Ga(rr)y F. Potter:

The F stands for faggot. He's a faggot with long brown hair, long brown dick, and a long brown... past. His parents were killed by the infamous (ANTAGONIST) who is later revealed to be Ga(rr)y's true uncle... and son. He has a wife named Ronald Weasley (doesn't count as a character) and a thirst for revenge and cock. His only true goal in life is to graduate from fag school (Hogwanks) and have but sax with every person with a moustache who goes there.

Kizack :

Old French man around 63. He believes he has the power to change anything around him using the energy giving from the earth. This guy is chill and keeps his cool, even during harsh times. When alone, he releases his emotions which causes him to renew his stature. Loyalty and collective thinking are some of his define traits. Only one thing opposes him, and that is anything to do with outer space… No joke.

Johanna :

A 14 boy who occasionally losses track of time. He always checks his watch and notes down events. His traits include geeky, train wreck, and dumbass. Possibly one of the worst people you could bump into as he would turn the situation into an issue. His reaction towards his friend slightly differs from a stranger, but not a lot. He does talk a lot about his family and how everyone is worse then what he is.

**Setting**

Hogwanks:

A school for total queers. Parents send their gay children to this school in order to prepare their anuses (literally) for the rough world ahead. In this school, rectums are stretched and dicks aren't drawn with stencils. Each teacher is a licensed bundle of sticks with magical powers (of whipping out their cocks). The school is in trouble when the Obama administration utilizes affirmative action against it due to their all-male staff. Due to this threat, some of the teachers are forced to remove their bollocks and become pretend-girls with dicks and no balls. This satisfies Obama (in more than one way).

**Episode 1: The Phantom Menace**

"So get this, you can't actually make a belt out of foreskin! It's entirely impossible!"

Another day, another class about Gaysteins Theory of Cockativity. This time, it was a discussion upon the merits of resourcefulness. Today, they had learned not only how to make lubricant out of your own mucus (which turned out to be pretty self-explanatory anyways), but also how to make yogurt out of semen (umm... also turned out to be pretty straightforward).

"How lame..." Ga(rr)y muttered to himself. He was supposed to be training to be the gayest faggot the world had ever seen, but here he was, writing notes on the merits of hiking with burly men.

"Aww, Gay, you're just jealous because I scored higher than you on the last test!" Ga(rr)y turned to see his arch-nemesis, Johanna, a boy who was a year younger than him but with twice the ego.

"I told you already, my name is Ga(rr)y."

"I don't even know how to pronounce tha-" Johanna was cut short as the professor loomed over him. He glared down at Johanna with the heat of one-thousand suns (which is like, a lot of degrees). Johanna grinned nervously and crossed his fingers in his lap.

"Talking as usual, I see!" The teacher smiled fervently in anticipation of Johanna's punishment. "I guess you'll just have to do another demonstration for us! Now get on your desk and (you really don't wanna read this)

When Johanna had removed the broomstick from his rectum, he dusted off his unicorn dress and walked over to Ga(rr)y, who was smirking openly (with his mouth, you pervert). "Say it, Potter! Just get it over with!"

"(()()))()()()()((((()()()))())(())()((()(," said Ga(rr)y in reply.

Johanna pushed Ga(rr)y off him and shouted, "I know that the brackets are in your name. I asked 'why'! WHY are they in your name?" Ga(rr)y licks his lips and wipes his cock to reply with nothing. After, the prince-able came in the private sex room, where Ga(rr)y and Johanna made out, on a white velvet horse. "Fools," said the prince-able, "You performed awful! I didn't even came while you two were doing it." The two looked puzzled which made Johanna ask "You were watching us?"

"Yes, all through that window over there." Ga(rr)y and Johanna looked to the direction his erection was pointing. "Curses," said Ga(rr)y, "he was looking at us through the outside window." All the children of Hogwanks were looking. Some even began publicly jacking-off to the performance. "Does that mean we're not free to go," asked Johanna to the prince-able. "no," he replied, "your friend bailed you out so you're free to go."

Outside, the two met with Kizack who was looking ashamed to look at the two. "Ha, thanks old fuck," said Ga(rr)y with a frown on his toy clown, "what'd you do to get us out? Suck his cock?" Kizack nodded invisibly that only the tiniest of partials were moving on his head. Johanna, being the clever one out of the bunch, saw this under the portable-electronic microscope and shouted "wow! You're a true hero!" Kizack broke down in tears and headed to the queer's water-closet.

After 2 minutes of barfing in the bathroom, Johanna whispered through the peeping hole of the stall "are you okay?" Ga(rr)y bursted into laughter as he was reading the school papers. "Looks like the news got out quickly thanks to me." Kizack busted the door open, grabbed Ga(rr)y by the throat, and slammed him against the bathroom wall.

Kizack leaned in close to Ga(rr)y. "Baguettes," he whispered horsely into his ear. Horsley as in he sounded exactly like a horse, so nobody could really tell what he was trying to say. French people do this sometimes. Oh yeah, did I mention Kizack was French? Yep, as French as they come. That alone should explain why he's here at queer school.

"Well if you like it so much why don't you marry it?" Wait, that doesn't make any fucking sense. No-one said that, okay?

"What's your problem old man? Get the hell off me!" Ga(rr)y kicked at the old man's sweater-vest in vain. His pecs were wonderfully well-developed. And supple, too.

"Or IN him!" shouted Johanna, who wasn't really helping much at all.

"Hey, Johanna! Fuck you shithead!" declared Ga(rr)y.

Kizack promptly took this as an invitation to stuff Ga(rr)y's face into his junk and thrust wildly. Wow, this was getting hot! Friction combined with body heat will do that. The heat started to intensify as Ga(rr)y struggled. It got even worse when a professor walked in and threw out a bunch of gasoline in Kizacks pants, thinking he was a trash can (which French people are mistaken as sometimes). Then it reached it's peak when the gay mechanics teacher walked in brandishing his blowtorch (like an actual one) and set Ga(rr)y's face literally on fire. Now he was finally a flaming gay, but this was bad! Like, for real!

Johanna could do nothing but stare. And get an erection. He DEFINITELY had that part covered.

"It looks like you've met your match, boy!" shouted Kizack. He took Ga(rr)y's head out of his pants and started to swing him around by his ankles. Really fast. I'm not even joking around, he must've been spinning at least twice a second.

"Pluuuutoooooooooooo!" screamed Ga(rr)y. Sometimes he shouted out the names of celestial bodies when he was stressed out.

Kizack stopped in his tracks. "WHAT did you just say?"

"Andromeda!" Ga(rr)y huffed breathlessly.

Kizack placed Ga(rr)y gently back down onto the ground. "Kid, I don't know how you did it, but I'm flaccid." Well that's impressive. I'm still hard.

When Johanna had finished beating off he turned to Kizack. "Wh-who are you?" he sputtered.

"I'm the guy who's gonna turn this school on its head." Kizack turned to Johanna and looked him right in the eye. "And none of you punks are gonna be able to stop me!" That's when Johanna came.

During lunch, all the Hogwankians was eating in the cafeteria which was split between the teachers, students, and the prince-able. Students was only allowed to eat what the prince-able allowed. Usually it was something from chips to cheese pieces with the mouse-traps attached. However, this day was different from the rest. Ga(rr)y and Johanna was in line for their meal. "Fuck you all," said Ga(rr)y as he shoved everyone out of his way with 9mm pistol, "I'm coming through." Johanna tried to calm Ga(rr)y down and warn him of his weapon. "Uhm, Ga(rr)y," said Johanna quietly, "we are not allowed any weapons in school."

"No worries, this thing is just loaded with bl-." Ga(rr)y was cut off with Johanna's mouth. "Arg," struggled Ga(rr)y, "what's the big idea."

"You can't say the B word! You'll be executed!" Someone over Johanna shoulder tapped his ass and asked if he was 18. The guy looked to be mid 30's wearing the pinkest of pink robes someone could find. "No, I'm 14. You can leave now. Goodbye." The stranger left and went to bother someone else… But left a note on Johanna's back. Ga(rr)y was gone by this point and was seen shouting at the cook handing out the food. "What do you mean nothing else," shouted Ga(rr)y. Johanna caught up to Ga(rr)y and asked "what is the matter, Ga(rr)y"? "They're giving us shit for lunch. Literally." Half the student was barfing from the awful smell emitted from the lunches. Ga(rr)y turned to the cook, grabbed his balls, and demanded to speak with the prince-able. The cook, however, kept his mouth shut and slapped Ga(rr)y. After he flew to the kitchen and locked the door behind him. "It's okay," said Johanna, "we don't have to eat it if we don't want to." Ga(rr)y wasn't satisfied. He needed answers. "Where are you going?"

"Where else," responded Ga(rr)y, "I'm going to the teacher's lunchroom to ask the prince-able." Shocked from the response, Johanna tried to stop Ga(rr)y to which he got pushed and his watch broke.

Ga(rr)y broke open the doors of the lunchroom to find Kizack with the other teachers in the room.

"Kizack you faggot, what the hell are you doing here!" Ga(rr)y shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Ga(rr)y, you cuntnigger! Get the fuck back to class!" retaliated his Cawkology teacher, who was seated beside the old man.

"No, let him stay." Kizack stood up and addressed Ga(rr)y directly. "I like this one."

Ga(rr)y finally managed to get a good look at the man. He sure was intimidating. I like that a lot. Anyways it was only now that Ga(rr)y noticed the badge on the front of Kizack's horrible fashion sense. I mean sweater-vest.

"What's that?" Ga(rr)y inquired inquisitively as a part of his inquisition.

"Well, I'm glad you asked." And with that, Kizack stood up (again) and left the room.

"Wow, what an asshole!" Ga(rr)y exclaimed. Several teachers perked up at the mention of the orifice, but all cocks were dormant in the lunchroom.

"Ga(rr)y, show some respect, he's a visitor to the school!"

"Yeah, no shit fucknose." Ga(rr)y smiled happily at the room. He was still getting a hang of this whole face-muscles thing.

"I heard he's come to shut us down." One of the janitors spoke up from the end of the table. "Something about affirmative action, or something. Too many male teachers."

"What? Did you just say he came?" a professor demanded. "What more of an invitation do we need?" The conversation fell into a subdued hush as the teachers discussed the subtleties of but sax.

"C'mon Johanna, let's go eat."

"I thought you'd never ask!" Johanna promptly pulled down his pants and displayed Ga(rr)y's purported "meal".

"I'd have to be the gayest faggot in the world to try that, bitch." Suddenly Ga(rr)y remembered his line from the first part of this story. "Wow, that must be a motif or something," he mused.

They reached the front of the cafeteria with trays in hand. Expectantly, Ga(rr)y held out his own, curious to see what was on the menu today. Of course, as always, it was Honeycums. No, wait, I should've said Fruit Loops. Hmmm... Actually, it was a big slice of meat-lovers pizza. So they ate together, as faggots do. Yes, this was despite the fact that I clearly stated that they were arch-enemies earlier. It's because Ga(rr)y had no friends at all.

"So Johanna, about that affirmative action thing... Do you think Barrack Obama had anything to do with it?" Ga(rr)y's voice shook nervously as he spoke.

"What? Of course he did. He's black, and you know what that means!" Johanna raised his eyebrows so high he had to raise them manually with his hands so he looked kinda like an idiot.

"I felt it yesterday." Ga(rr)y muttered under his breath.

"Felt what?" Johanna moved his eyebrows back down to his eyebrow-area.

"I felt his presence." Ga(rr)y brushed aside a lock of his long brown hair and revealed the distinctive, phallus-shaped scar beneath.

After they ate their pizza giving to them by Kizack himself, they sat down to confront Kizack wearing wizard clothing and looking like a true Hogwankian. "You know," said Ga(rr)y, "I do enjoy that plan of yours very much." Ga(rr)y stopped chewing his fat and stopped chewing the fat of the conversation and struck right to the bones of a grown-mans boner. So much that it made the God cry above. "You fucken suck. You will never succeed with this… Not without my help." Kizack took this into consideration; having a boner again after domination would help his mind a lot. Johanna, being the shit for brains, butted in with "but there can only be one!"

These word echoed through the whole school that everyone can rushing in to circle the three companions. Each eye and cock was both washing with excitement over the fact that something so obligatory was said in all the many moons that Hogwanks dreamed of hearing from the three more retartardest people in the whole galaxy consisting of just the school and, beside, the white house. "You asshole," Ga(rr)y said as he slapped Johanna with his metal tray he used for eating. Kizack glared at the opponent ahead of him: a brown-haired, curly dolt, faggot-bot that has no intention of losing. And he, the all oldifying god of the malevolent plan to take over the Obama administration, forced to reconcile with truth and justice in hopes that one day he will become everyone's favourite.

A show down of wits, strength, and stamina was about to take place. Ga(rr)y and Kizack looked at each other as the crowd cheering them on. They placed their hand on their rods of justice. It all went down at this moment…

It was as if they were gladiators presented in front of a coliseum. Except, instead of killing people they were jacking off, and instead of blood the crowd screamed for... white blood. From their cocks. Actually it really came from their balls.

"Kizack." Ga(rr)y threw a COCKy smile at the old man.

"Hmph." Kizack was too cool to reply.

Amidst the crowd there were various predictions. Many thought that the youthful willpower of Ga(rr)y would work to his advantage, though others admired Kizack's turgid form, and his obvious experience. Regardless, they all knew that there was only one outcome. And it was sticky.

"On your marks..." The fap judge had started his countdown. The noise in the room fell to a purposeful hush.

"Get set..." The excitement in the crowd had reached a fever pitch. At no point in history had there ever been a more important session of mutual masturbation. Well it wasn't really mutual but there was lingering eye-contact.

"STROKE!" said the judge in all caps, and with seven exclamation marks.

Ga(rr)y used his wrist-muscles to their capacity. He had practiced his whole life for this moment. Yes, ever since he was a child he knew that he would be here, masturbating in front of a senior citizen, who was also masturbating. It was like a prophecy or something. Ever since his parents were killed... no, MURDERED by that horrible man. The president. Barrack Obama. Haha, Ga(rr)y's thinking of his parents while masturbating.

Kizack knew that he couldn't lose this match. It was impossible. A mere child could not surpass his abilities. Over a long life (and cock) he had been trained by the finest master(baiter)s. He had learned their techniques. He had eaten what they ate (mostly dick), and drank what they had drank (mostly cum). Drunk? Drank? I'm not sure. But still, Kizack had moved mountains with his stream. Like, literally. Yeah, you know Mt. Rushmore? You thought it was forged through years of hard work? Nope, it was forged through minutes of Kizack's hard dick.

It was close. The final moments were drawing near. Ga(rr)y's wrist was tireless, he could rub for hours, but he was getting raw red. If he couldn't finish in the next few seconds, he'd be done for. But he could see that Kizack was also struggling. Beads of sweat had started to form on his forehead, and ran down his perfect, chiseled jaw. They would continue downwards, pooling in that neck-bone-bowl thing, and traced his gorgeous abdominal muscles in their path to his long Johnson.

This was enough. Ga(rr)y was ready.

"FINIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISH!" Ga(rr)y screamed at the top of his lungs. He thrusted his hips forwards to direct the flow.

It happened all at once. All sound was dampened as Ga(rr)y's cum-jizz immediately spewed forth, creating a void of antimatter that, according to science, swallows everything in its path whole before spitting it up again as a slightly gayer clone of itself.

"Ga(rr)y! What have you done," shouted Johanna in all of the commission. Ga(rr)y kept cumming, and cumming, and cumming, and jacking off local phallus officially that the crisis was set to a level B alert (level A was only issued during 9/11). Soon, everything lost it's colour through the antimatter which made everything use 50 shades of gray. Such the fact that events seem to conspire in gray and thus rendered colourless. So colourless that the saturation is no longer present. Present that present could not be close to the reality of the fiction before everyone's eyes.

Then, it happened… Obama entered the room! The first thing he said was "uh," followed by "who is responsible for making everything gray?" He looked around the room as dozens upon dozens of GayCIA came in to arrest everyone in site. Someone is going to break… And it was none other than Ga(rr)y F. Potter, the F standing for Fergie is a Fagort.

Unsurprised, Obama ordered the GayCIA to apprehend the gay at once. Kizack and Johanna was still in a confused state until Johanna broke the state by looking down at Kizack and shouting "Gah, put your pants up!" Kizack being an old fuck… Nevermind. Obama turned to the Hogwankians and placed shades on his eyes while holding up a silver stick. With one flash, everyone somehow forgot what the heck I'm talking about. Why is everything gray. Is that Obama? Kizack and Johanna are both looking very confused. "What happened," asked Kizack, "wasn't Ga(rr)y just beside me a second ago?"

"Nyah! I stole him! Nyah!" said the Hamburglar, who had also decided to show up.

"Drop your weapons, now!" ordered the Gay CIA.

Both Kizack and Johanna promptly let go of their dicks to face their sudden adversaries.

Obama walked up to the two of them and gave a slight smile. Like he knew he had won. Wow, what a douchebag! He looked them right in the eye and declared, "Faggots. All of you." He spun around on his heel because he liked to show off, then he turned around and walked behind his entourage. "Arrest them."

When they were finished arresting the CIA, Johanna and Kizack both decided to go for lemonade. Yeah, that hits the spot.

"We should really go find Ga(rr)y!" shouted Johanna, forgetting to use his indoor voice once again.

"Yes," replied Kizack. Well that didn't help the plot much.

And so that's what they did. Eventually. But before he could be found, he needed to be searched for. Holy shit, that was a good line! Johanna and Kizack searched far and wide. They even thoroughly checked each-other's pants, but Ga(rr)y was nowhere to be found.

"He can't have gone too far," rationalized Johanna somehow.

"Oh, I wouldn't doubt it." Kizack lit up a cigar and sat Johanna down on his knee (pretty sure it was just his knee). "Have you heard the tales about Mr. Obama?"

"No, sir, I haven't."

"Well let me show you some spells, get up out that shit." Kizack let the confused silence fill the air for a few moments before adding, "Or at least, that's something he might say. He is black, after all. You knew this?"

"No, sir, I haven't."

"Well, I don't blame you... He hides it well." Kizack took a deep breath before continuing. "I mean, looking at him, you might think he's some sorta eastern folk. Maybe Phillipine or something. Nope, he's downright nigguh. You know what that means?"

"No, sir, I haven't."

"It means he's got a crib." Kizack smiled knowingly. "And it's been right underneath our noses this whole time. After all, what would the white house be without... the Black House."

And with that, everyone in our live studio audience let out a startled gasp.

"Shut it," shouted Johanna to the live audience, "this isn't funny. We need to find out friend Ga(rr)y and that sad story wasn't no funny shot. I was just not funny. Non funny. Nil of funnies. Opposite Day start: funny. Opposite Day stop!" Everyone in Operah's live audience gasped again... And then again.. And randomly again. Kizack found the problem, the TelePrompTer person died and thus the signal to gasp was left on.

"Johanna," informed Kizack, "the GayCIA escapes."

"Darn! I knew we shouldn't have put them over there by the TelePrompTer guy." Kizack and Johanna quickly jumped off the stage and passed through the still-gasping crowd to the door before them. Exiting out the doors, they bursted into the streets of New York.. Literally on the streets. "Watch out," shouted Kizack looking at 59 taxis headed right for them at an incredible 1mph. Johanna wasn't able to hear Kizack's warning as he was pursued by a bunch of homeless people asking for change. Therefor, Kizack had to think quickly, but by the time he thoroughly for one millisecond, the cars already hit.

Billions of homeless were scattered everywhere and provided cushion for Johanna. "Johanna! You're safe," kept Kizack in cow utter joy. With Johanna's groggy state, Kizack gave him a quick blowjob but was interrupted by Johanna's non-groggy state that came soon after and came after that. "Damn you Kizack" said Johanna after pushing Kizack off. "Was it good for you too baby?"

"Yeeeaaaahhhh," said Johanna with crossed eyes. Kizack slapped the valet and ordered him to drive them to the black house. The valet, only required them to dance with no shirts.

However, Kizack was uneasy on the request as he didn't appreciate his look at such a young age. "Don't worry," said Johanna, "we're just going to steal his car, clothes, and family." It took a while for Kizack to catching the plan, but once he did, he got a raging erection from the thought. They both looked at the valet still waiting for his prepayment but instead got a barrel full of fists.

After he was knocked out, the two had to figure out who would replace his role. "You do it," said Johanna, "I'm way to young." In the end, Johanna was picked because he lost the "don't-blame game". The valet suit Johanna put on was three sizes too big for him. "This will never do," said Johanna with a slew. After that they got into the car of the man and drove to his home address.

Pulling up to the house, they both scrambled to find anything in car to help better understand the guy. "Okay, so his real name is Larry Joseph," exclaimed Kizack looking through the guy's wallet. Johanna and Kizack took a good five minutes before being interrupted by a kid throwing cakes at the car. "Hey hey, you can't do that," shouted back Johanna. The kid then ran up to him and gave him a hug, explaining that it was his birthday. "Hey, uh," joined Kizack looking for the name of the child, "Harry."

"Who's that dad," asked Harry in confusion. Trying to find an answer, he instead struck the boy with a slap so hard that it left a lightning bolt am scar on his forehead and left him partially blind. "Ow," shouting the boy, "now I need glasses and a foster home."

The kid ran I side to cry about it to his mummy. Kizack, shocked, turned slowly to face Johanna to comment on his recent action. "Whoa," said Kizack in dismay, "you just slaps him do fast that you made a lightning bolt scar on his head." Johanna looked down at his hand then at the sky, then at Kizack and simply said "so". Kizack then told him that "you could be the thunder for you know." Johanna was surprised. A thunder god? Like the movies? "You mean the thunder god Zubat?"

"Damnit i meant the lightning thief." Johanna thought what it would be like to hold a poorly animated lightning bolt in his hand. To test this he held his rod in his pants which was similar in width and length.

This all came and came to a stop when the wounded man of the house came and came out of came the came came came.

Suddenly, Ga(rr)y woke up. That's right, it was all a dream.

Ga(rr)y went back to sleep and continued dreaming.

Kizack quickly finished his line of cocaine and sat back up, ready to go.

"Are you ready to go?" Asked Johanna.

"I sat back up, ready to go," replied Kizack.

And that's how the rest of the day played out. Johanna and Kizack went. They _goed_, if you will. In fact, most people are given legs for this very purpose. Given legs by... by Jesus, that's right. Motherfucking Jesus Christ.

Johanna and Kizack found themselves just outside the Black House. It was black, and it was a place where people tended to congregate. A habitat of sorts. Except it was for humans.

"I never thought it would be so black up close," said Johanna, as if that made any fucking sense.

"Good going, kid. That's another nineteen words for this section - Almost there!"

Of course, Kizack realized that the two of them would need a strategy to enter the Black House. For starters, he didn't even know if Ga(rr)y was here, or where he would be kept if he was. Well, nice going Kizack. Great fucking idea.

Kizack narrowed his eye's at the house. The sun was really bright and he couldn't really see properly with all the light-bugs biting his pupils. You see light-bugs are the things that let you see light, which is made of light-bugs. They bite your eyes.

Kizack narrowed his eyes some more. He was really starting to have a hard time seeing. Johanna shuffled nervously beside him as he continued to draw out the plot. "Hmmmmm," Kizack said. "Hmmm indeed," he repeated just because. Yep these are words alright.

Kizack narrowed his eyes for the final time. This was the last straw. His eyes were pretty much shut at this point. No more seeing for Kizack I guess. But you know what they say: lose one sense and all your other senses become stronger. Kizack channeled his smell-o-vision to pinpoint the location of Ga(rr)y.

"Ouch," muttered Ga(rr)y. It was if a pin had pointed his arm. Lol, his parents are dead.

Down in Mexico where Kizack is alone, he ponders about the street filled with glass and bullet shells. This was obviously left from a bunch of eager call of duty players who kill terrorist and SEALS for fun. No knowing the consequences runs through the mind of the old guy which makes him crap his pants so loud that it alerts the guards. That's right, he was actually sneaking into the facility where Obama is said to be.

The guards then put on their exclaimation mark vats which cause them to go into ALERT mode. Yes, these weren't normal boardwalk guards, nor the GayCIA ones. These guards were mechanical robots trained to find the meaning of love and if not, they kill all who doesn't know how. Kizack knew of this because he knows many thing which Ga(rr)y and Johanna only dream of knowing.

These guards are now searching for Kizack, which is bad because, although he knows the meaning of live, he doesn't know how to love an artificial looking Q-man with a non-beating heart made of silicone and nitrate. All this stress goes into a count of Kizack's breathing level; in this case high. Kizack starts seeing colours and thinking everything's "groovy".

"Detection over by dock," says ons of the robots. They clunk over to the dock and away from Kizack. "Whoa," says Kizack in a RAD voice, "those cans of soups just walked. Radical." Kizack then wiggled his cock causing the fluids from the cock to neutralize the dooby drug on his mind. Of course this information would be helpful to millions of drug addicts around the world, but Kizack had to focus on that building.

Opening the door slowly, Kizack crouches on the ground and sneaks right in. He entered through the top door which means he's on the balcony of the warehouse. This gave Kizack a perfect angle to snipe Obama and free Ga(rr)y. But he was unsure how he was to confront Obama in his current clothes. A guard over at the other side of the balcony was looking down with a sniper as well. Kizack thought, could he be another assassin in a guard uniform? The sniper looked up from his scope to see Kizack looking through his sniper pointed at him. The guard jumped and was about to shoot Kizack. "Shit," shouted Kizack before he shot the sniper.

The loud noise echoed through the entire building causing the GayCIA on the ground level to scatter in panic. Kizack was screwed, Obama wasn't going to show now that he knows someone is trying to Lee Harvey Oswald him. He had to move quickly and quick he did. swiftly to the door, he dropped the card which me made for Obama. Outside, floodlights from the vans of the GayCIA was shining everywhere expect in a few noticeable hiding spots. These guys really think criminals hide in the obvious spots; as if that quote ever saved lives. Kizack took to the sky with his portable jetpack and prepared for take off. The flames from the jetpack caused the building to burn under him but gave a distraction for him to get away.

As he flew over the Mexican shithole, he thought how he was ever going to find Obama.

"Think, Kizack, think!" he yelled at himself really loudly, completely blowing his cover. Obama was obviously black, so he would really blend in to the Black House. But what if...

"What if everything were white?" Kizack pondered.

That was crazy! How could he possibly make everything white in such a short time? Ideally, he'd have some substance at his disposal that he could use to coat multiple items. A liquid would probably be best. And it would need to be sticky, too, so that it would remain until the job was done. Yes, it would need to be some sort of gelatinous, white, sticky substance that he could make shoot forth from some sort of delivery appendage.

It was nothing but fantasy, though. Kizack knew he was only trying to take the easy way out at this point. And there are no easy ways, except for your mom.

Kizack thought back to his days as a soldier for no apparent reason. He remembered the sounds of his comrades as war raged about them, threatening their very presence with each tug of... their cocks? Kizack wasn't really sure where he was going with that sentence, but he sure was happy with its destination. Anyways, he had acquired a proficiency with the sniper rifle that the military had yet to witness. He was good; damn good. And he reminded himself of this fact each day by vigorously masturbating. The very thought tempted him...

No time, thought Kizack silently to himself. I have to violate this Mexican shithole. Strangely enough, Kizack had found himself thinking this quite often. "Well, here goes nothing..."

And with that, Kizack "shot" his "bullet" into the "hole" with his "penis". Oh, Kizack! Don't you ever change! Anyways, it was time to find Obama, and end this once and for all.

When Kizack found Obama he killed him with a gun.

This action presented Kizack with a dead Obama. No one was in the room of the killing, but it was far from over. Kizack had to free Johanna (his helecopter pilot) and figure out where is Ga(rr)y so they can return to their pathetic school and act like nothing wrong. But he was stored in the west wing of the black house; the hamburgler's crib.

Plenty of GayCIA are waiting outside the room where the dead Obama lays. However, the blood from his head leaked out so much blood that it was starting to reach to the door. "Shoot," said obviously Kizack seeing the blood crawling closer to the door. He had tak stop the blood from exposing itself under the door. Kizack knew the only way to do this was to become a vampire again.

In the past, Kizack had many adventures in his equally many years of living. Right at the age of 14, he was a prisoner... Not the most thrilling start. But it all started there because during his time, the emperor came in with his gay robes and he followed them in the secret passage that was in his cell. Stupid plan to make an exit there, but no less he helped the emperor escape with his two guard... Or almost. You see, right before the exit, the emperor got assassinated by a Gay-hating activist. Before his death, Emperor Urine Sceptre gave Kizack his Amulet of the Fagorts [+5 MGK +12 DEF] and told him to find his son in order to make him the emperor. This all seemed like a great plan at first, but a mysteriously mysterious stranger met him and offered to trade the amulet for a million doll-hairs. Kizack accepted this offer no questions asked.

Later, after making a billion dollars off selling dolls with hair on them, Kizack set out to slay Count Chocula. Everyone in the town of Milkivania told Kizack to equip silver armour and weapons. Being an expert at accepting advice, Kizack accepted the advice. While fighting his way up to the place where the vampire queen rested, Kizack fell off a bridge that he couldn't have found off the longest time and landed on a dead vampire. After getting up, he found out that the vampire had a bag-full of vampire teeth to which Kizack landed on. He thought nothing of his but shortly after started burning from the sun below him... Or the moon above him. He soon figured out that he was a reverse vampire due to him being bit by an irregular amount of teeth AND dead ones too.

Leading up to his old self, the adventures slowed down due to his inn-ability to suck dick like he use to. But if he was going to suck again, it was going to be the blood on the floor. Kizack rushed to the pool of presidential blood and took a sip. Instantly, something happened. "Ow," in pain said Kizack, the blood was a reverse effect for him as well. This blood was going to kill him instead of save him. This could explain the many years of going without blood.

But they all went to heaven and burned it down.

Then it was all just a dream.

The end!

Donations are accepted: agathacristie


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